All Talk

There’s been something we’ve needed to address for quite some time. It’s a challenge that shan’t go unanswered. Hooligans I tell you; every last one of them. They’re brash, loud, and talk a mean game. But when push comes to shove, they don’t have the balls to back it up. We’re calling out the top 5 worst offenders to put them in their place.

Wait, thought you said "Sports Car"?

Acura Integra

We’re going to start this off with a car that all of you should be familiar with. It’s the ricer’s special, the most stolen car inAmerica, and it’s also slow as hell. Yep, the base model Acura Integra is a serious offender. No it’s not a type aRRRR, it’s not even a GSaRRRR. It’s a 140hp front wheel drive turd. Solid reliability and a great engine as a building platform as long as you have $5k to sink into it. Needless to say, this car has gathered quite the following. Ricers LOVE the Integra which is exactly why it’s the most stolen car inAmerica(I wasn’t kidding before).

Steal me.

Lexus SC430

The Lexus SC (sport convertible) 430 is 100% fail. On paper it looks great though. You walk into a dealership and the salesman says he’s got a rear wheel drive V8 powered sports convertible that would be perfect for you. I’d immediately think that this salesman knows what’s up. In fact, this is probably an epic high five moment. But after he brings you over to the Lexus Jelly Bean with dinner plates for wheels you’ll be forced to execute him. The damn thing is a pig. Despite it’s tiny size, it’s heavy, slow, and handles like crap. Little known fact, the SC430 was the last car in the world to be sold with a tape player.

Mmmm, dinner plates.

Toyota Celica (2000-on)

When these came out they were sharp looking. Great stance, hood scoop, spoiler, racy looks. But they suck, not question about it. The hood scoop is fake, the spoiler doesn’t provide any usable downforce (none at a speed the car can reach) and the handling was shit. Did I mention that it’s also fail wheel drive? It’s a terrible performance car but a great car for high school girls who will probably wreck it anyway.

Cool car brah.


Honda Civic Sedan (2006-on)

Changing gears here; deal with it. I’m going to switch performance metrics for a moment. For this segment, performance is measured in MPG not 0-60. The Civics that came prior to this generation had all been gas mileage champions. Honda had made a name for themselves (with regards to fuel economy) because of the Civic. Then in 2006 they thought the D17 had run it’s course and the K20 engine was needed for their economy car. Faster? Yeah. But come on, 26city and 34hwy really that great. Beats the hell out of my truck but it’s not like Civics that came before it.

Drinks more than his older brother.


NA Toyota Supra

This one gets a bad rep because of his cooler brother. The NA MKIV Supra is forever doomed to be looked down upon because it doesn’t have turbos. Every time you see a Supra you think, “Ooooo, sweet!”. Then later you find out it’s an NA and you go from thinking it’s awesome to really not caring at all. If you’re smart you’ll look for the whale tail spoiler and the brakes. The larger brakes are a dead giveaway on whether it’s a turbo or not. The problem is so pronounced that the base model gets NO credit. It’s either a car that makes 600hp with bolt-ons or….whatever. The gap in stock performance is quite large too. I think there’s about a 2 second gap with regards to 0-60 times. Would I own one? Sure I would, just not in stock form.

Wheels, new paint, spoiler, lots of extras....still slow

4 Responses to All Talk

  1. Robert Fortier says:

    I’m not gonna lie…I kinda liked the last gen Celica. I know a few people with the top of the line ones, and they aren’t that bad for what they are. Sure, they look faster than they are stock. However, one of the guys I know with one has like…an intake, dumped exhaust and tuned with a Super AFC (yeah, those still exist) and he is in the low 13s.

    Rest of the cars I agree with, hands down.

  2. I want to say the latest Celica GTS was fairly quick with the VVTI on both the intake and exhaust cam but I don’t think that’s enough to save it in my opinion. Not when the base model was that much fail.

  3. Rob Hopkins says:

    How did you find a Type R that is that stock looking on the web?

  4. It wasn’t a type R, that’s how!

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