Category Archives: Random Cranks

How to Survive…The Most Dangerous Game (Part 2)

Yesterday’s article was a pre-car shopping list of ways to prepare for battle. Today we’ll be talking about what you can do while you’re on site with the enemy to make sure you get the most for your money. If you didn’t read yesterday’s article go back and read it before you proceed; you’ll thank us later. If not, you might end up getting taken by one of  these\/ guys…

I’ll give you tree fitty….it’s a good deal…do it

How to Survive…The Most Dangerous Game (Part 1)

What is the most dangerous game? Richard Connell wrote a short story back in 1924 answering this question. In his fable, the main character, Sanger Rainsford, experiences what it’s like to make the transition from the hunter….to the hunted.

In this modern day and age, we rarely visit strange islands in search of big game. However, we DO every now and again find ourselves in a strange car dealership searching for our next vehicle. Although you were the one who initiated the hunt for your vehicle things may change rather quickly. Today Cars and Cranks is written to help you survive that which is the most dangerous game….Car Shopping. If you want to know how to prevent becoming the hunted; keep reading.

2nd most dangerous game…..dynamite grizzly bear tennis

Brand Stigmas

Branding is one of the most powerful forces at work in our market today. It controls our buying behaviors and loads our minds with all types of ideas about a product. This causes our minds to  attempt to solve an incomplete equation.  This is called forming an inference. We do it when we don’t have all the letters shown to us but  the Wheel of Fortune host asks us to solve the puzzle anyway. Based on our current evidence we think ___________.

What does each of these symbols mean to YOU?

After Conquering a Mountain….I’ve Returned

We’ve taken a bit of a break but I’m here to tell you The Cranks are back. I mean, if we weren’t back I wouldn’t be typing this right? As my comrade has suggested….I went on a long trip this summer. “Trip” is likely an understatement. I embarked on a voyage. A voyage to a land of beer, beards, and badassery. The plan was to drive from Dallas Texas all the way to Silverton Colorado. From there we’d hit Telluride and then Durango.  Round trip would be about 2,200 miles. And we were ready. The Tacoma just had an oil change and a fresh 3″ lift installed by yours truly and some friends. In addition to that I had GPS and a gorgeous copilot. Pretty solid plan if you ask me.

Epic Voyage = Epic Pictures

Just a thought…

Just a quick thought after reading this article.

I can understand how adding automation to our daily drives could reduce accidents.  The varying number of reasons of why automation sucks not withstanding, by letting computers drive for us I can see the argument for how it would be inherently safer.  That being said, I also am want to wonder if people would put down their damned cell phones, stop texting or talking while driving, actually kept up with maintenance on their cars, and actually paid attention to the rest of the world while piloting their Toyandison Camcordimas and Ford/Chevy Land Mammoth Chrome Plated Platinum Edition Jesus Christ Eff You Ten Thousands, maybe we would see the same results.  I mean, I know I’m odd, but I wonder what it would be like if we went back to treating driving as a privilege to be revered, not a god given right that is bestowed upon us on our 16th birthday.

When We Sell Our Dignity

The rumors of our demise were greatly exaggerated.  In other words, the break is over, time to get back to work.  Posting may still not be at the fast and furious (heh, car joke) level that it was, but things have changed a bit in the real world for my intrepid cowritter and me.  Fear not, valued reader: our posts shall still contain the same level of vitriolic hatred (or unabashed fanboism, either way) if not more!  After all, with more time between posting, why not make the posts better?  If not that, at least get a better content editor so we look less stupid.

But I digress.  Steve has returned from the top of a mountain and will most likely be sleeping for the next month so that leaves me sitting here with the keys to this whole affair.  This isn’t a horrible thing, because I still remember the password to our side of the website so I can still post, and post I shall!  Today’s topic?  Whores and escorts.*

Weekend Car Porn: From the Era when Men Drove Racecars Edition

Special thanks to the fraternity brother and occasional reader that sent this one in.  Why classic Ferrari?  Because your wrong wheel drive econobox with super stretched tires and slammed herrafrush fitment IS NOT A RACECAR.

From a time where men were racecar drivers Your Hellaflush and slammed Civic is not as cool as this.

Things you should know about gas mileage.

Fuel efficiency has been a hot topic lately. All of this hippy “green” talk and gas approaching $4 a gallon has people in an uproar. Everyone is looking to get the most out of every drop of fuel. But a lot of the fuel consumption stuff can be fairly confusing to the average person. EPA….MPG….WTF?

If you’ve read any of my previous articles you’re probably aware that I view most people as legally retarded. Yes, that’s sort of like being legally blind. I’m not sure if the government has standards yet for such a thing. If they don’t, my thought is that they’ve put off this legislation because the majority of the public wouldn’t make the cut. But rather than bitch about it (like I normally would) today I’m going to teach. Hold on to your asses everyone.

No gas guzzler tax means you're not trying hard enough...

All Talk

There’s been something we’ve needed to address for quite some time. It’s a challenge that shan’t go unanswered. Hooligans I tell you; every last one of them. They’re brash, loud, and talk a mean game. But when push comes to shove, they don’t have the balls to back it up. We’re calling out the top 5 worst offenders to put them in their place.

Wait, thought you said "Sports Car"?

Holy Hell, the New F10 M5 is Fast

Holy hell, the new F10 M5 is fast.  It is fast enough that that is what I’m calling it from now on.  No really.  If you come up to me and say, “Hey, Robert, other than the M3, what BMW would you really like?”, my response is going to be “I’d like one of those Holy Hell the new F10 M5 is Fasts.”  You don’t have to take my word for it (although you should), you just need to watch this video, and then click more to read about some of the amazing things that the Holy Hell the new F10 M5 is fast can do.